


My Family

by gillyAnne



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Easter, F/M, Gen, X-files Easter Fanfic Exchange (2019)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-20 21:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18533398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gillyAnne/pseuds/gillyAnne
Summary: Somehow, unexpectedly, Mulder ends up at Scully's Easter mass.





	My Family

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ATTHS_TWICE](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ATTHS_TWICE/gifts).



> This story is set somewhere in or between S10-11. It fits anywhere as there’s no specific references to episodes except for S10 Home Again. I wrote it to fit in anywhere after my MSR “Take Me Home Again” storyline, so you can read that first or have this as a standalone. It explains itself. I did struggle immensely, and although I liked the challenge I'm not too confident or happy about the result.

 

When asked how he’d ended up here Fox Mulder wouldn’t have a convincingly straight answer. He usually ended up places because he followed his heart, his passions, his endless hunt for the truth that would take him across universes if he had to.

There was only one other force known to him that could have that kind of power over him. So if anyone asked how he’d ended up here, in the back of this church that he had never been to before, he’d say that the reason was unbeknownst to him but that the only reasonable explanation was Dana Katherine Scully, who was sat a few rows in front of him, surrounded by some of her family.

It was the first Easter without her mother and somehow he’d felt compelled to be there for her, but she hadn’t asked, and he hadn’t offered – he’d just ended up here, at the only church he knew of close to her new apartment. Bill was there, his wife and children sat next to Scully. Two other redheads were in the same row and Mulder assumed they were related, nieces perhaps, cousins, distant relatives of some kind who only showed up on days like these when the weight of those who were missing was harder to bear than any other day. He was glad to see her surrounded by family – but he still desperately wanted to be part of that family, even though they’d gotten a million chances and he’d blown them one by one until in the end there was no other option left for her but to leave him to his paranoia once again. And every time he hoped that it wasn’t the last time he saw her. And every time it wasn’t.

 

That paranoia was gone now, he does no longer allow himself the indulgence of a tangent that helped him escape reality for a shorter and shorter period of time each time he fell off the edge into darkness. She’s not there and he’s finally figured out that the only light he needs in his life isn’t that of any UFO, but the one shone from her eyes every time she rolls them at him or simply casts a glance in his direction. It could be considered just another unhealthy addiction but to him Dana Scully telling him she was leaving, again, had been a reason to finally reconsider his job, his life and his priorities. After her mom had died they’d spent time together at their house, and life had been good – too good, and he should have known that a thousand little occurances had brought her back to him but it would only take one to push her away again. He’d thought she was back for good, in his life, his house and in his bed until one day he’d asked her to look at a case and it had been too soon and she’d snapped and another downward spiral had begun to spin them both out of control. She’d left a note on his coffee table the morning she’d left again – “Dear Fox – we both know I can not continue to fight your demons for you. I am not leaving you, I am giving you space to decide if you want to leave me. You will forever be my touchstone.’

That day he’d found out she had started renting her own place again, away from him, away from the clouds that were still hanging just around the corner of the unremarkable house, ready to descend upon him and his life and hers if she didn’t leave. He had immediately called her and told her she needed to come back. She’d said she would, in time, because he was her home. He would just have to make a decision first. ‘You keep leaving me,’ he’d whispered to her. ‘I keep wanting you to stop forcing me to,’ she’d said and they had both known that neither of these statements were completely true. He’d left her plenty of times and she would endure anything for him if it meant he’d live. They were still separate entities, two comets on wildly erratic paths, bound to collide and chip off a piece of each other every time they came back to each other until they were completely shattered, a cloud of debris in which one was undistinguishable from the other but together nonetheless.

 

At least she hadn’t given back the key.

 

As a priest started telling the story of Christ’s resurrection, Mulder’s thoughts wandered back to the history he had with Dana Scully. For years he’d jeopardized her health and her life without ever considering she might actually leave. He’d suggested it to her a couple of times. He’d even pushed her to go home, to get out, to get away and she’d declined so often he’d become accustomed to her being with him, but he should have known that she was going to reach her limit some day and many days after that if he kept pushing without giving anything in return. Everyone has limits, some are just more willing to keep readjusting and pushing their boundaries for love than others and that was never something he’d wanted for her. He didn’t want to change her. She was perfect just the way she was.

Therefore he was happy to see her here, practicing her religion, something he’d questioned time and time again. It was something he had always admired in her, the ability to let one live beside the other, as a scientist and medical doctor who’d seen horrors beyond God’s will she still believed and practiced in her own unique way. He wished he had that. He wanted to believe, but he had never found a religion true or worthy enough of his surrender. Not a real one, anyway. He worshipped at one altar only, praying to one deity alone and it was a redheaded woman who’d been by his side for half his life.

 

He didn’t feel like he was spying on her. He wasn’t. Someone could interpret his presence as stalking, he knew Bill would, but he really wasn’t. He’d made the conscious decision to experience this morning mass with her from a distance because even though they’d been working together they hadn’t really been spending much off-duty time together recently and he knew she needed time. Holidays were always the hardest when a loved one was missing, and he knew that Margaret Scully was missed deeply by her daughter. He’d sat next to that daughter at the waterfront, ashes by their feet and darkness surrounding their thoughts as Scully had confessed she missed and mourned for her mother, her son and the life she could have had. Watching her with her family made his aching heart hurt a little less, knowing that she was fine without him gave him hope. All he wanted was for her to find her purpose again, even if that was something in which he served no purpose at all.

 

Never in his life had he been to a full Easter service, and if he were to be completely honest with himself he had to admit he rather enjoyed the experience. The church was light, the air golden somehow and even though he was familiar with the Easter traditions of Scully’s faith he found he liked experiencing it first-hand. He’d witnessed Scully curse her faith and he’d seen her survive by it. To see her still hanging in there, continuing to find the good in it and stick by what she knew to be right gave him incredible hope – Dana Scully didn’t give up.

 

 

Mulder watched as Scully whispered something to Bill before turning to walk down towards the exit, passing bench after bench with her eyes to the floor until finally she looked up and found him watching her intently. He met her eyes and felt himself nailed to the bench as he realized she’d known he was there for a while. His breath caught in his throat as she smiled at him, a happy smile, not the sad one he remembered over any other, and she grasped the bench in front of him to corner into the seat next to him. ‘Hi,’ she greeted him quietly. ‘I thought you weren’t the religious kind.’ ‘I’m... not,’ he answered, still slightly stunned, ‘and I swear I’m not spying on you.’ ‘Then what are you doing in God’s house?’ she asked him, amusement clearly in her voice. ‘Worshipping?’ he raised his shoulders, looking at her innocently. ‘I’m not completely in bed with the devil, Scully.’ ‘Sshh,’ she shushed him, swatting his arm. ‘Don’t mention him in here.’ Mulder shrugged, finally finding his footing around her again. ‘So what do we do now? Light candles? Is there food?’ ‘Actually,’ Scully smiled, ‘There is. You wanna join us for Easter brunch?’ He looked at her, searching her eyes for something he feared he might see – a storm of some kind, turbulence, rough seas – but he found none. There was a serenity surrounding Dana Scully that he’d missed in his life – and apparently, like last time, getting away from him had reinforced that peace within her. ‘You need to teach me that,’ he muttered. ‘What?’ Scully frowned, not following his train of thought. ‘You look good, Scully. Happy.’ She nodded lightly. ‘And so do you, Mulder.’ He remembered a similar conversation not too long ago, and he remembered how much had happened in between. From the way her eyes stayed on his he guessed her thoughts were similar although he didn’t dare ask her about it. There were more uncertainties in their lives than there ever had been and yet one truth stuck out high and proud above anything else. It was her. He wanted to believe in her. In them.

 

‘So,’ Scully broke him out of his train of thought, ‘Are you coming to brunch?’ Mulder noticed people around them starting to leave, the service was over and Scully was next to him instead of with her family asking him to join them for Easter traditions. ‘I wouldn’t want to be impeding,’ he replied, nodding towards Bill who was looking back towards them, unmistakably annoyed already. ‘Don’t mind Bill, he’s permanently in a bad mood at this point,’ Scully smiled. ‘Anyway I think he’s going to do the egg hunt here with the kids anyway. He’ll be… delayed. You’re more than welcome to come.’ Still, he hesitated. ‘This is your family,’ he whispered to her as Bill and his wife approached. ‘Yeah,’ Scully said softly, putting her hand on his leg. ‘Which makes it yours as well.’

 

 

 

‘So if I were to agree,’ Mulder started, ‘what would be in store for me?’

‘Well,’ Scully cocked her head to the side, taking a good look at him before exiting into the aisle with Mulder following closely behind. They ended up just behind what he assumed were members of the female range of Scully’s as they slowly made their way to the exit. ‘We’ll drop Bill and the kids off at the Easter Egg hunt just around the corner, and then we’ll head over to my place for Easter brunch.’ ‘Your apartment?’ Mulder clarified. ‘Yeah,’ Scully said calmly. ‘My mom used to host the brunch but now the honor’s mine.’ Mulder put his hand on the small of her back to guide her through the door out into the sunny light of day. ‘Sounds lovely. I’d like to be a part of that.’ Scully nodded. ‘Good.’ She raised her chin looking for her brother. ‘Bill? Will you be okay getting back?’ Bill turned around and looked from Mulder to his sister. ‘Yeah, sure, Dana,’ he said and did his best to smile at her before taking the hand of his daughter and guiding her towards the field off to the left side of the church.

‘How did you know I was there anyway?’ Mulder asked, following Scully to a quieter place where presumably they’d wait for the rest of the Scully family. ‘I just knew,’ Scully said softly. ‘I guess I felt your presence.’ ‘Sounds spooky,’ Mulder smiled at her. Scully shrugged. ‘I’ve felt your presence before. It’s not an unfamiliar feeling.’ Mulder watched Bill disappear around the corner with a few excited kids in his wake. ‘You don’t want to help with the Easter Egg hunt Scully?’ he asked. ‘I wouldn’t mind watching, it looks like a lot of fun.’ ‘It’s…. For kids, Mulder,’ she said seriously. ‘Yeah, so?’ he answered, smiling boyishly at her. ‘Do we get to keep what we find?’ ‘I don’t think you’re allowed on the patch,’ Scully answered him, eyebrows raised to the point of mocking and he nodded, accepting her answer and pretending to be sad about it. ‘Okay… Brunch then. Lead the way.’

Scully hesitated one second and Mulder saw it – she’d be taking him to her apartment, the one he hadn’t been inside of yet. Her new place. The one she’d needed to get away from him and his darkness – he just hoped she knew he had no intention of carrying that darkness into her sanctuary, especially today.

Luckily, Scully broke him out of his worries with a nod of her head. ‘Come on,’ she said and started down the cobblestone path towards the pavement. ‘One of my nieces might already be there. You’ve never met her, I think you’ll get along,’ Scully started light conversation with him as he realized she lived within walking distance. In that moment he also noticed her dress – Dana Scully was wearing a dress. It was light blue, with flowers, pale yellow and pink and green flowers and combined with the vibrant color of her hair it culminated into the epitome of spring. Of Easter, really. ‘I like your dress,’ he commented quietly. Scully snorted quietly and Mulder grinned, she never was one to take a compliment.

 

Her house was only a short walk away and soon they were inside, Mulder feeling slightly out of place as he recognized some items and found others to be new to him. ‘Nice,’ he commented as he looked around. ‘Thanks,’ Scully replied, moving to kick off her shoes before looking around. They were alone, no other Scullies in sight and looking at her phone Scully sighed. ‘Looks like it’s going to be just us to get this thing going. The others are staying at the egg hunt for a bit.’ ‘See?’ Mulder pointed at her. ‘I knew it. We should have stayed.’ ‘I actually like this,’ Scully admitted softly and he looked at her, watching a soft smile fluttering around her face in a dance that spoke of confusing emotions. ‘There’s not much that we need to do anyway. I prepped.’

‘Let’s do it.’ he said, putting his coat down and rolling up his sleeves.

Scully took a second, turning towards him and relaxing a little. ‘Thank you for being here, Mulder,’ she said softly.

He looked at her. ‘I really didn’t want to interfere,’ he said honestly. All jokes aside it was important to him that Scully knew why he was here.

‘I know, and you didn’t,’ she answered. ‘It’s been hard without mom here. Easter Brunch was her thing. Somehow it fell to me this year and I haven’t really talked to my family about missing her and you know Bill is still mad about the whole situation, so it’s been challenging.’

Mulder nodded. He didn’t really know what to say. ‘I’m here,’ he just muttered.

He watched helplessly as tears gathered in Scully’s eyes. She wouldn’t let them fall, defiantly holding them back with everything she had until her only option was to step forward into Mulder’s chest, his arms coming around her if they had expected to have to return to their familiar duties. They hadn’t, and he had never in a million years expected her to open up to him like that, but he was glad for the muscle memory that had built up over the years and as she pressed her cheek to his chest he felt his heart fill with an overwhelming sense of wonder and peace. ‘You’re okay,’ he whispered to her. ‘You’re here,’ she repeated his earlier words and he felt her hands on his back. She seemed to release him but then he felt her fingers again, this time pressing lower against the waistband of his jeans to pull him in closer. He hugged her tightly for a moment before letting her go and he heard her sniffle as she straightened herself. ‘I miss her sometimes,’ she admitted quietly. ‘I didn’t see her much but I miss her.’ Mulder nodded but didn’t comment. He just released her hand and followed her as she walked with her head down into the kitchen where he knew her fridge would be stacked neatly with jars and boxes, pre-brunch prepped and done in a way that would make her mother proud.

He wanted more than anything to tell Scully that he missed _her_. But this wasn’t about him and he shouldn’t make it about them, so he kept quiet, hoping she knew.

 

They set about preparing a brunch worthy of kings and queens, and soon the entire house smelled of freshly baked croissants and bread as the oven was filling the space not only with warmth but with love and something else that was hard to name. When Mulder finally heard footsteps in the hallway, excited children running towards the door followed by heavier footfalls of the adults with their moods in tow he couldn’t help but smile. Scully returned his smile and opened the door to let everyone in. ‘Mr Mulder!’ the kids exclaimed and ran straight past him to the table to take the best seat. They all had little baskets filled with chocolate and real eggs and Mulder raised his arms to avoid bumping into any of them. ‘Wow! Hey!’ he greeted them. A group of people followed, led by Bill and his wife who greeted him friendly enough. Scully introduced him to the rest and he struggled in remembering their names, until he realized there was no point – Among the three women all of them looked like Scully to him, and all of them bore family resemblance to Margaret. ‘It’s good to finally meet you,’ a tall blonde said, Elise he thought her name was. ‘We’ve heard a lot about you.’ Mulder smiled self-consciously. ‘Not all bad I hope,’ he answered as was expected of him but he felt the urge to tell her no, you know nothing. ‘Oh, all good,’ Elise put a hand on his arm. ‘I think we’re all glad you two found each other.’ He looked over at Scully who was monitoring their conversation while also engaged in a talk with Bill. ‘Yeah,’ he just said and threw a grin in Scully’s direction. ‘Me too.’

 

Elise left him wondering what Scully had told them and what she’d left out and he hoped it wasn’t out of shame but out of hope for the future, but something in Scully’s demeanor told him he didn’t have to worry. They sat down at the table, Mulder separated from Scully by two over-excited children fighting over an egg with flowers on it. Their eyes met over two curly heads, and in two seconds they mourned for their missing child but made the agreement not to let that darken the mood that was airy and free, a rarity for them. He wondered if Elise knew about William. He wondered if Bill did.

He stood to gather the golden brown croissants from the kitchen and when he returned into the living room he was met by the most familial and cozy sight he had seen in all his years of Easter celebrations. Everyone was chatting, filling their plates with a nibble of this and a piece of that. Scully was bent over Bill’s daughter, discussing the difference between a fertilized and an edible egg with her as the boy next to them continued to draw on his placemat with a chocolate egg he wasn’t supposed to have unwrapped. Elise was talking to Carla, Bill actually stood up to assist him and no one seemed to think it strange that he was there. Maybe she was right, he thought. Maybe her family was something he was a part of after all.

 

During brunch they had no chance to talk whatsoever, so when finally the children had left and everyone else was packing their things as well he was glad to see Scully drifting towards him. ‘You ok?’ he asked casually. ‘Yes,’ she confirmed and followed it with a raise of her chin. ‘Usually everyone sticks around a bit but Bill has to leave later today and Phoebe wanted to go say hi to mom so everyone’s going home.’ He sighed. ‘I could stay.’ ‘If you help me clear all this mess then yes, please,’ Scully joked. He huffed, pretending to be hurt. ‘I see.’ She swatted his arm and walked past him to say goodbye to Elise and Phoebe.

Five minutes later the house was empty apart from the two of them and a table that looked as if a hundred people had had Easter Brunch at it. Of course people had offered to help clearing it up but Scully had shooed them away, needing the distraction later on when everyone’d gone. Mulder picked up the one flowery Easter egg he’d been given as a present by one of the kids. ‘That was really nice, thanks for inviting me.’ ‘I’d have invited you sooner if I’d have known you would say yes,’ Scully called back from the kitchen. Mulder stacked some plates and started helping her clear up the mess. ‘You don’t have to help,’ she stated. He ignored her statement and continued their earlier conversation. ‘We haven’t really been talking, so I didn’t expect any invitation,’ he said. ‘And I still swear I wasn’t spying on you this morning.’ She chuckled. ‘Yeah, so you’ve said. It’s ok, Mulder, really. I know why you were there and I appreciate it. You’re right, we haven’t been talking that much about stuff that really matters, and maybe it’s time we did.’

He watched as she threw him another buoy, a lifeline like many others before that. He watched as it dropped in the choppy water in front of him, bound to drift away if he waited too long. The sea of expectation in her eyes spoke volumes to him – all of his fears were his alone, she had none left and she was ready to accept whatever version of him was ready to start swimming again. Because they both knew it – there would be no easy times for them. No golden shores or calm waters to keep them on course. If they wanted to be together it would take work, more and more each day until they wouldn’t know how to function without a struggle and it dawned upon him that maybe that’s why she was ready for him again – She had come to the same realization and she’d accepted it as her truth much easier than she’d expected. He knew her. He knew everything about her and yet there were a million things he didn’t know and the same applied to her – they were the only two people who could ever understand what it was that the other was going through and it would keep tearing them apart but at some subatomic level it would root them more firmly together each time as well. And somehow, in the middle of the mundane activity of clearing away Easter brunch dishes in Scully’s apartment this realization came to Mulder as the answer to all of his questions. 

‘Yeah,’ he answered, looking slightly down at her at her kitchen counter. ‘Yeah, maybe it’s time.’

 

 

An hour later they were still in her apartment, spent from clearing away everything until her apartment looked like nothing had happened. But something had happened. Somewhere between Scully’s soft ‘thank you’ and Mulder accepting a beer before putting his feet up on her coffee table something had shifted – it wasn’t strange to be here anymore. He knew where her cutlery was now. He knew where she kept her coffee, what beer she stacked in this fridge and he found out she kept his brand as well. He recognized a mug he’d been missing. One of his shirts was draped over a chair in the hallway. She truly hadn’t left him at all – she’d just been out of sight for a while.

 

Scully felt it as well. He belonged in her space, she’d always known she couldn’t function well without him there but she had always known she could when she had to. However as he’d taken a bite out of a leftover chocolate croissant while putting away the tray he’d winked at her and she’d felt her heart flutter again in that way that it only did for him. It had happened on day one and it would still happen on her final day, of that she was certain. There was no choice to be made. She’d given him one, but that had been against her better judgment – choices were for people who didn’t believe. They did. Not only did they want to, but on this golden day with a silver lining she found them both willing and able to believe in their truth, the one they’d written and knew every word to.

 

‘I still don’t know how you saw right through my MI6 CIA Ninja moves this morning,’ Mulder shook his head beside her. She sighed deeply, popped the cap off her beer and let the heels of her feet join his on her table. Her head fell to the side and she looked at his profile. ‘I’m an alien, remember?’

 

And those four words encompassed so much of what they were, who they were and what their life meant that it rang true deeply in both their souls. ‘How could I forget,’ Mulder pondered. Unbeknownst to them the same thought curled its way through their brains like a tsunami out to destroy any resistance it encountered – Whatever they went through, no matter how many times they pushed each other away, there would never be another who would mean this much. Like the sea and shore they belonged together and there would never be another who could take that place. Who would be this perfect other half, this definition to what each other’s purpose truly was. No matter how many times something tried to drive them away, it wouldn’t work because something else, something beyond them was keeping them magnetically together and somehow they just knew.

 

‘You know,’ Mulder turned his face towards her, meeting her eyes that were looking at him peacefully. ‘I could stay.’

Her eyes remained the same. Her lips curled up somewhat and her chin creased a little before joining her lips in the wide smile he’d been seeing in his dreams. The hand that came up and swatted him had no real force behind it. Her eyes however did. ‘This is my apartment, Mulder,’ she kindly reminded him. ‘But I’m family,’ he shrugged. ‘Remember?’

 


End file.
